Signs You’re Struggling with Postnatal Recovery (And How to Get Support)

Here’s something I say to every family I work with: there is no such thing as finding new parenthood easy. Not really. Not if you’re being honest about it.

There are moments of absolute magic — the kind that stop your heart — and then there are the moments at 3am when you’ve been awake for what feels like several lifetimes and you genuinely cannot remember who you were before this baby arrived.

Both things are true at the same time.

But sometimes what feels like normal new-parent exhaustion is actually something more. And knowing the difference matters, because getting support early makes an enormous difference.

What’s normal in postnatal recovery?

Some degree of all of this is completely expected: exhaustion, tearfulness (especially in the first week — the “baby blues” usually peak around day three or four and are driven by your hormones shifting dramatically as your milk comes in), feeling overwhelmed, questioning whether you’re doing it right, and missing your old life even while also loving your new one.

These feelings are normal. They don’t make you a bad parent. They make you a human being doing something genuinely hard.

When might something more be going on?

Postnatal depression and postnatal anxiety affect far more women than most people realise — around one in five in the UK, and that’s just the reported cases.

Some signs to be aware of, in yourself or someone you love: feeling persistently low, empty or hopeless — not just in the hard moments, but most of the time. Finding no joy in your baby or your life. Feeling like you’re watching yourself from the outside, disconnected from what’s happening. Intrusive thoughts that frighten you. Feeling unable to eat, sleep even when the baby sleeps, or function day to day. Anxiety that feels physical — heart racing, chest tight, unable to settle — and doesn’t lift.

Please know: if any of this sounds familiar, it is not your fault. It is not a reflection of what kind of mother you are. And it is treatable, with the right support.

What can help?

The most important first step is telling someone — your GP, your midwife or health visitor, a trusted friend, your partner. If you’re in Surrey, your health visitor can be a brilliant first point of contact, and the NHS perinatal mental health service in Surrey offers specialist support.

Alongside clinical support, practical help matters too. Being less exhausted, eating properly, having someone to talk to who isn’t also going through it — all of these things genuinely help. It’s not a cure, but it’s scaffolding while you find your footing.

This is part of why I do what I do. I’m not a therapist and I would never position myself as one. But I have sat with a lot of women in those early weeks, and sometimes what makes the biggest difference is simply having someone there — someone who listens without judgement and makes you feel a little less alone in it.

If you’re struggling and you’re not sure where to start, please reach out. A conversation costs nothing and it might be the first step toward feeling more like yourself again. 💛